on worry...

There are certain things in life that I could be tempted to buy into... things that in normal circumstances seems completely preposterous....but things that I begin to see in a different light when the problem seems big and all too near, and I am in desperate need of a quick fix.  These are things that I, in my utter foolishness, am hoping will solve the problem, but in the end they don't deliver, and I am found in a bigger predicament, a bigger mess than when I first started. 

You might be familiar with one of these scenarios:

1. You need to fit into that bridesmaids dress that you ordered a size too small because you were certain you were going to get yourself in gear, diet, and exercise and lose those 10-15 extra lbs that have been hanging around since who knows when. But alas, your best friend's wedding is only 2 weeks away, and the dress isn't fitting quite the way you'd like, like you'd hoped. You are mourning your failure, drinking the 12th diet coke of the day and watching a little TV. When what comes on the TV but a commercial for one of those amazing little pills that promises to help you lose 20 lbs in two weeks with WITHOUT diet or exercise. You order those pills as fast as you can dial the numbers on your new i-phone. And for the next two weeks- pop a pill every morning, eat junk, and sleep in each morning instead of going for the morning run. Trouble comes however the day before the wedding when you are trying on that "should be loose" bridesmaids dress and it won't zip. Your quick fix has failed and now you are running out the tailor on your way to the rehearsal dinner seeing if he can take it out a bit for you...and all by tomorrow morning, so your wonderful-laid back-best friend-bride will never know! 

OR...

2) For that same wedding you are feeling a little bit pasty, and since tanning beds are completely out of the question and you are too tight on the budget for a mystic, you buy that little bottle of self-tanner. Nothing like a quick, self-made tan. You put it all on before you go to sleep anxiously anticipating that glow you will have in the morning! But alas, the glow is a little different than you anticipated. No you won't be the pasty white girl in the pictures, but you will be the one who is doting a shade of orange not much different from the dress you are wearing! 

Ok, so these examples are somewhat ridiculous. And I do not know them by experience:)  But this week, I did buy into a quick fix that I have determined is the "failure quick-fix par excellance."...WORRY!

It's interesting to me how I think about worry. When things are going well, worry appears to me to be a really foolish thing. It is so obvious that the comfort and control it is advertising just simply won't work. 

But when things begin to change a little bit, when the problem seems big, and am I feeling the need to fix it fast, I begin to see worry in a whole new light. I grasp onto it immediately. I allow it to fill up all my free time/my free thoughts. And when it seems to fail me. I buy into it again, thinking that maybe, just maybe a little bit more worry might do the trick. I allow it to consume me in almost every way, hoping that maybe around the next corner is that comfort or control it held out to me. 

But I have found (again) this week, that worry does not deliver what it promises. It does not bring comfort. It does not give control. It does not change circumstances. It does not give answers. It doesn't actually do anything...well not anything good. 

What worry does do is leave me in a worse off place than I was before. I have found this week that it causes me to turn so inward on myself. Causes me to think that the things in my life are the only things going on. Causes me to forget eternity, and to think that my "now" is the only thing that matters. Causes me to disconnect from others around me because I am so wrapped up in my own little world. It causes me to get irritated and lose patience with people when they aren't helping MY situation get any better, not giving ME any answers. 

Worry causes me to turn not just away from people, but also away from God. As I seek control, I turn away from the one who actually controls things. As I seek my good above all things, I forget the one who is committed to my good, enough to send his own son to the cross. As I seek the fulfillment of my plans, I forget the one who has promised that he has plans for me for a hope and a future. As I am preoccupied with self, I fail to focus on the ONE who is bigger, better, more satisfying, more worthy of my focus than any of the plans I have for myself. 

Worry makes me a slave to myself. And so again today, I am thankful for the God of the Gospel- who gave his son to set me free from me! I pray this week that I will experience the freedom of trusting my life to a faithful creator. That I will surrender myself to my faithful savior, and thus be free- free to love Him, and free to love people- the very things I was created for in the first place!

Do not fear little flock, it is the Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom!