Guilty, BUT...

Lately, I have found that guilt can be a really powerful thing in my life. The reality of my guilt can cause me great grief. The truth of it can tempt me to deceive and to keep parts of my life hidden, so no one will really know the truth. Guilt can be paralyzing, keeping me from doing good because of the wrong I have done in that area in the past. Guilt can, in a twisted way, be motivating, causing me to do good...but good that is merely my own seeking of atonement and absolution from the guilt that haunts me. Guilt can cause me to be honest and confess. 

But no matter what I seek to do, no matter which of these roads I seek to take, no matter how much I can try to explain it away, nothing can get rid of it. 

It's funny and humbling when you have been a Christian your whole life, but then have those moments when you feel like you are actually understanding the gospel for the first time. Funny, humbling, but also so wonderful, so liberating, so amazing! 

In the past week, I think for the first time I realized, in a real and personal way, the gospel is the ONLY answer to my guilt.

The gospel says to be what I have been saying to myself: Caroline, you are guilty. Caroline, you can't justify it or explain it away. Caroline, you aren't worthy to do good. Caroline, you can't make up for it, you can't absolve it. Caroline it is worse than you think. 

The gospel says to all these accusations, "yes" this is true.

Then, however, the gospel says the most glorious words, "BUT GOD"

"You are guilty, but God has absorbed it, but God has borne it on the cross, but God has made atonement FOR you"

It's like when the angel descends from the altar and touches Isaiah's lips with the coal (the very part of him he had confessed as unclean) and says, "behold, your guilt is taken away, your sin atoned for." 

Caroline, You are guilty, BUT...your guilt is taken away. Your sin has been atoned for!

This past week, a song written by Shane and Shane has been sooo very powerful to me. It has encouraged me over and over (as I have listened to it on repeat in my car). It has reminded me of the truth of the gospel, the glorious refrain in the midst of all my guilt. Jesus Saves!!!

It's called Embracing Accusation... I am posting the words here. But listen to it...its so powerful with the music!!!

May it encourage you as it has encouraged me! 

Embracing Accusation

Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy

All my hopes of being good enough

I hear him say cursed are the ones who can't abide

He's right, hallelujah, he's right

The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed

That I am cursed and gone astray

I cannot gain salvation

Embracing Accusation

Could the father of lies be telling the truth

God of me tonight?

That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine

I hear him say cursed are the ones who can't abide

The devil's singing over me an age old song

That I am cursed and gone astray

Singing the first verse so conveniently over me

He's forgotten the refrain

JESUS SAVES