Just Call Me Dr. Doolittle

There are those who say that the entire populous can be divided simply into two kinds of people- dog people and cat people. But whoever those are seemed to have left out the rest of us- those who don't like animals at all.

I am definitely one of the latter. I realize this may come as a surprise to those who don't really know me, that it may offend some of you, may make some of you sad, and possibly, may make some of you stop reading this blog. But it is true, I do not like animals. I have virtually no affection for or affinity towards God's furry or feathery creatures.

I would like to blame this, what might seem to some, as a character flaw on Camp El Har. This day camp forces you to ride horses in a circle around a small arena. It always seemed that the one in front of me always needed to stop for a "restroom break" and I luckily, had a front row seat! Pretty sure I will be happy if I never get on a horse again!

My lack of heart for animals was revealed to me in 6th grade. One of my friends gave me what I am sure she thought was going to be the greatest of gifts- a hamster! Well, at least I hope she thought it was great because after I affectionately named it after my teacher and cleaned out Dori's cage once, I gave her back! Cleaning out a cage full of hamster poop- not my idea of a good time!

The next year, our family got our first and favorite dog! She was a mutt that my mom picked up for free at John's soccer game. Cinnamon was precious, sweet, and docile. Unfortunately, her sweet, docile personality was due to the fact that she was actually very sick. She died a few weeks later. We all hold Cinnamon in high esteem these days; her memory is fond in our minds and in our hearts- probably, sadly, because she was not around long enough for us to get sick of her.

My other experience with dogs is as follows- there was Hamilton, our beagle who chewed through the fence and ran away. Despite an all out search, or a drive to the donut store with their eyes closed, Dad and John never found him. He has, however, provided Dad and I with endless sermon/teaching illustrations about sin, the law, and the life that is found within God's boundaries. In the end, though his barking was more than obnoxious, he was good for something.

Then there was Bo, the black lab that I just HAD to have. Let's just say that after a while, I ceased to give Bo the attention he was due. Yeah, and that might be an understatement! We gave Bo away, those people gave him back. So we gave him away again, and then quickly changed our numbers and moved away. I am kidding- well, sort of.

Then there was Ernie. The dog my friend Mindy's now husband Josh gave her for her birthday! I believe Ernie has a keen sense that I was not his biggest fan, and was determined to win me over. Therefore, he was always jumping up on my bed...when he was wet... with fleas! After he continually barked all night, pooped all over the house, and ran away on more than one occasion, Mindy took him back to the SPCA. I was not opposed. Gosh, am I heartless? Do not answer that!

Along with a lack of affection, I also have a great fear of animals! My lack of heart for them coexists alongside an utter inability to know what to do when they are around. I lack that intuition of what to do and worse what they are able to do with me.

This summer when I was out at the Hawkins ranch for a few days by myself, I was deathly afraid of the cows out in the pasture. They would come up to the fence right around the pool and just stare at me. As I would watch them stealthily approach the fence, a deep fear rose within me. I determined that I absolutely could not make eye contact, in case they saw something in my eyes that would make them want to charge me! I could just picture myself getting attacked by the cow and and left all alone in the wilds of Texas!

Ok, so why am I writing this post today? Because this morning on my walk around the neighborhood, I had a near death run in with some St. Louis wildlife. It appears that up here in Missouri they do not separate the wildlife preserves from the city. Strange. And yet another reason for me to believe that we not only do things bigger, but also better in Texas!

So, this morning I was casually- I mean powerfully- walking along when what do I come across but some deer. It appeared to be a dad, a mom, and a baby- to use technical animal terms. I don't have much experience with deer, but remember from Bambi that deer don't particularly like people. What was I to do? Should I turn back or forge courageously ahead? Filled with courage, I went ahead and I opted again for the no eye contact method. I figured it seemed to work alright with the cows, as well as in elevators and on crowded streets when you don't wan't people to talk to you. So, with great bravery, I proceeded to stare intensely at the sidewalk and stroll on by. It worked and I figured I was in the clear.

That is until my way home. I rounded the last corner only to be met by a sight I had never seen before- a whole pack of what I could only assume to be wild turkeys! I was literally paralyzed with fear, and began having those "when you are awake nightmares" of being viciously attacked by the rather gross birds and being pecked to death. I mean, they probably do have it out for me, I have been eating their friends on my sandwiches pretty much daily for as long as I can remember. I decided to attempt to do that which was anything but natural and stay calm, stare at the sidewalk, and again casually stroll by. Thankfully, it worked. But I did however pick up the speed a bit when I heard a strange sound and swear I saw that gross daddy turkey coming towards me from the corner of my eye.

For those of you who are still reading and those of you who care, I am very thankful that I escaped the ravages of the wilds here in STL and am now sitting comfortably it the animal free student center her at school. What I did not escape however, was the request of one of my new friends to take care of his hamster for 3 days while he and his wife do some work in their house! Looks like I am a people pleaser over and above and animal hater! And I am going to go ahead and say that's a good thing.

Hope y'all have a great day! Stay out of the way of animals, but if you do happen to come across one of those furry and feathery beasts- just keep your eyes on the ground! Works like a charm!