Home is Where the Heart Is

Last week at this very hour, I was packing up my suitcase- complete with all my laundry and dry cleaning- to go home for a few days. It was our "fall break" from school and though, I had initially planned on staying here, during a week of loneliness in September, I went ahead and booked my ticket home. I am honestly so glad I did that then because I had no idea how much I would need it now.

I love St. Louis and am truly very happy here right now, but there really is nothing like going home. Nothing like seeing your church from the airplane window as you fly in. Nothing like walking out of baggage claim to see your best friend waiting for you! Nothing like walking into the neighborhood cookie shop and people telling you they have missed you. Nothing like spending countless hours in amazing conversation with your parents. Nothing like driving down streets and feeling like you never left. Nothing like eating all your meals out and never having to look at a menu. Nothing like surprisingly running into friends who you didn't expect to be in town. Nothing like worshipping in your home church. Nothing like hour after hour being spent with nearly everyone you know and love. Nothing like just being with people who know you. Nothing like living your old life all over again for just a few days. There is nothing like being at home.

For all the many of you whom I had the privilege of spending time with this weekend- whether for a few minutes or a few hours- I can't even begin to describe to you who much joy it brought me! It truly filled my cup.

On Friday night, I couldn't contain my joy and just kept telling my parents over and over and over....and over again- "This has seriously been the best day!"

I do wish however that my parents were the only ones I expressed that excitement to that night. Unfortunately, our academic dean at the seminary knows how excited I was too. I received an email that evening from her telling me that I got into a class for which I had been on the wait-list. The following was my reply:

Diane, Thank you SO much! I am so excited about this! This is the exact schedule I was hoping for! Thank you for all your hard work on this! -Caroline

Pretty sure she and the rest of the office are getting a good laugh and wondering how in the world this 8th grader got into Covenant!

Oh well, I guess true joy is really hard to hide! To all my family and friends in the Big D- you bless me beyond belief! Can't wait to see you soon- Thanksgiving is less than a month away!

Latent Anger

You know those times where you have been really angry but now feel like you are over it. Then, all of a sudden, something happens that brings back up all that latent anger and reveals that you are not, in fact, over it at all? Well tonight, for me, has been one of those times.

Many of you may not know because I was not blogging in August of 2008, but I am a HUGE fan of the Olympics! So much of a fan that in 2008, I threw an Olympic party with complete with Olympic themed desserts...

The Olympics bring much joy in me, but they also bring out a part of me that most of the

time I like to keep hidden- my anger! Last Olympics, a bunch of cute little Chinese girls, revealed the anger that lie so deeply in my heart. Why you, ask? Because these cute little Chinese girls, I believe, cheated their way to Olympic Gold. You see, you have to be 16 to compete in the Olympics. And I mean, look at this picture...there is just no way!

Well, I thought I had gotten over it. Until tonight...as I lay here on my parents couch watching the Gymnastics World Championships that my father so graciously tivoed for me. As I am watching this little girl compete, who is clearly only 7, all that latent anger has resurged with a vengeance!

The commentators keep talking about how hard it is for her to get all the way up on the vault or transition between the bars. Obviously... because she is only 5 and not even 4" tall. Maybe when she turns 6 she will have a better shot!

Ok...enough of my ranting! Shout out though to Bridget Sloan who won the World Championship! She at least 18! And though she's no Nastia, she's pretty good!

Way to go USA! Again in the gymnastics world I am proud to be an American!

Sunday Joys...

Sundays have always been my favorite day of the week. Back in Dallas, Sundays brought together most everything and most everyone that I loved. From being a part of Sunday worship, to seeing all "my girls", to singing in our high school Sunday School class, to those blueberry donut holes from Mustang, to lunch with my whole extended family, and to most likely 2 or 3 Bible Studies in the evenings...my Sundays were filled with things and people and events that brought me great, great joy!

So needless to say, I was very fearful that Sundays up here in St. Louis were going to be the most difficult, and the most lonely days for me. For here, I am going to a church where no one really knows me and I am slowly getting to know people, I am going to a church where I don't work and therefore, don't have that identity following me. Sunday lunches are usually a frozen meal or PB&J from my basement mini-kitchen, and I don't have endless Bible Studies to prepare for and lead that evening. Sundays up here were going to be a whole new ball game. And I was not sure I was going to like it!

But by God's sheer and amazing grace, Sundays up here in St. Louis are once again my absolute favorite day of the week- though they are drastically different. For the past several Sundays, as I have driven home from church... my mind has reflected upon how my heart is just overflowing with joy! God is graciously giving me joy in things and experiences I have never (or not in a very long time) known.

Church is a whole new experience. I can't remember a time when I was a part of church where I wasn't the pastors daughter and wasn't on staff. While these are experiences I loved and would never change, there is a certain freedom, for this season of my life, in going to church and just being a part of the congregation. Just one in the crowd who has come to church for no other reason than to worship, to meet with God, and to be restored. In a place where I am not really known yet and don't yet known everyone, I have found church to be the sweetest refuge where I just get to meet with my Savior. This has been a season of getting caught of up in the worship of Christ and the wonder of the gospel that I have never known.

Sunday afternoons also are a whole new experience. A friend encouraged me early on to truly take this day as a day of rest- something I honestly have never done. While really doing this has often been a struggle, God is teaching me so much about how to not only rest but to rest in him. He is teaching me in real and experiential ways that the commandments he gives us, specifically in regards to the Sabbath, are truly for our good and for our joy! As I got to sit in a coffee shop today without any school work, I could not even attest to the joy that came from the freedom of not having anything glaring to do and the ability to engage what I have been learning all week at a heart and devotional level- to truly have the freedom to seek and rest in him.

Anyways, I probably could go on. But just wanted to thank those of you who have prayed for me- especially on Sundays- knowing that they had the potential to be so hard. God has been overwhelmingly gracious, and my joy is overwhelming to. I am, by his grace, getting to experience a little taste of what the Psalmist describes- "in your presence is fullness of joy." Truly makes me long for the day when our experience will not be the taste, but will be the real thing and we will get to experience deeper, fuller joy than we have ever known. Oh how we long for his return.

Come Lord Jesus Come!

Days of Elijah

I love my new church! Yesterday I seriously could have stayed all day long. I was truly sad when the last hymn ended. I had this overwhelming sense of "this is exactly what I was made for." How true it is. We were made for worship- to, as the hymn says, get "lost in wonder, love, and praise." This was my experience yesterday. I am thankful for small taste God graciously gave me of what it will one day be like to be in his presence! Come, Lord Jesus...

Yesterday, we sang a song that I was sure was brand new to the church scene, as I had never heard it before. Singing in the midst of the congregation filled me with so much joy! I asked one of my friends if she had heard it. She laughed and said it had been around for forever. So I went to download it when I got back to school. Indeed it had. The most popular version by none other than Twila Paris! I downloaded it nonetheless and have been singing and dancing to it all day long.

Instead of leaving you with a visual of that, I will leave you with another. The music video that I found on YouTube. It truly dates the song, but enjoy it anyways.

And here it is..my new favorite song...DAYS OF ELIJAH...

My Fears: Calmed and Confirmed

For years I have had two primary fears about moving to the North. And yes, by north, I do mean anything north of the Oklahoma-Texas line. They are as follows:

1. No good Mexican Food

2. Cold Weather

* Not necessarily in that order, not necessarily not in that order. But nevertheless, the order that I will address them in this blog post!

The first is my fear of no Mexican food. Which you clearly know about if you have been following the blog at all- particularly since I left Dallas and arrived in STL- as I think I mention it in virtually every post. So really no need to go into any more detail except to say that this fear has been calmed and pretty much assuaged because last night as some friends and I were on our way to see Phantom at the amazing Fox Theatre we stumbled upon some tex-mex goodness.

Yes, real Texas-style Tex Mex here in the Lou! It's called Chuy! It appealed to Taylor (one of my hs friends here at Covenant with me) and I because the name was so close to Chuy's- which while not the best Tex-Mex in Texas would be pretty much amazing up here! So we ventured inside...first thing to catch my eye a Texas Flag and a sign that said something like "Everything's better in Texas!" Amen!

And from them on it just kept getting better- real queso, and by that I mean the yellow kind, great chips, quesadillas that didn't contain some kind of mystery sauce, and even a menu item called The Austin. It was such a delight and I can't wait to go back. Tonight too soon?

For all you Texas transplants up here in STL, give Chuy a try. You will not be disappointed.

Ok, but as for my other fear. THE COLD. This fear has not, I repeat NOT been calmed in the past few days. Rather it has been confirmed, tragically confirmed. It is going to be so stinking cold up here, and I seriously hate it!

For instance, today is October 2nd. The time in Dallas when I am wanting wear my fall clothes, but can't because the moment you put on a sweater you literally start to sweat, which though in the name, I don't believe is the point of the sweater. Well, up here in STL it seems like they skipped sweater weather all together. When I got in the car this morning my thermostat said 54!

54 degrees?!?! In October? Are you kidding me? And may I just say that 54 degrees up here is not the same 54 down south. It is FREEZING! I had to come home this afternoon and put on my sweatshirt and curl up in a blanket and am contemplating never leaving the house again till it gets warmer. When is that anyways?

Don't answer that!

I have mentioned to several people today that I am freezing and that I hate this weather. To which they replied, "Oh, Caroline, you are going to die."

Yes, I am sure I might. I don't know how to handle it now. What will it be like when it is 9 degrees! I have no concept for that...

Oh, and when it snows- which I have no idea how to drive in by the way. And seeing as I am not that great a driver to begin with...

Anyways, I am sorry for complaining. I realize the blog really shouldn't be for that. Please forgive me.

Thanks for reading. If you do not hear from me between now and April, it is because I have frozen up here, hands and all, leaving me completely unable to type...

Happy Friday. Especially if it is warm where you are. I am off to find some birds. Maybe they will let me migrate south with them...

A Little Update

Dear blog followers- if there are still any of you out there,

I am so sorry for the lack of blogging as of late, and assure you that I will once again try to do better in the future. Life up here in STL is keeping me very busy, but as most of you know, I like it that way. I keep telling the sweet family that I live with that if I am home for more than 6 hours 2 days in a row to go ahead and be worried about me. Busy usually = good in my book. Unfortunately, however this busyness has not left much time for blogging. I will try for some more fun or more insightful posts soon. But for now, here is a lil update on the happenings up here in STL.

I guess the best way to sum up so much of what is going on in and around me is that things are becoming more real. School is definitely feeling more real as I had my first big paper and first big test last week. Until then, I had conveniently forgotten that going to school actually meant you had to turn things in and be tested over the material you are learning. I wish I had made this realization in my Greek class earlier because I was so captivated by the lectures that I had forgotten to take notes! Whoops..

The fact that I actually live here is becoming much more real. I seem to have found a routine, and God has graciously blessed me with some great friends, a church, and a community group I just joined tonight. I see his gracious provision and sheer grace in so much, and I am so thankful. Life in Dallas, though so so real in my heart, does now seem like a little while ago. That is weird, but I think good in the sense that it means I am beginning to feel somewhat planted here.

I was able to go see my family this weekend in OKC. Lindsay had a big musical and so we all got together. It was so refreshing to reconnect with everyone face to face. It had been 6 weeks, which was like a marathon for me. And it truly filled my cup. I flew back at the crack of dawn Monday morning. Gate A7 was going to St. Louis, Gate A9 to Dallas. It was a very weird experience not getting on that Dallas bound flight, and made it really real that for now, this is my new home. But God has given me such grace in the transition back this week, and I have been thankful to be here.

But above all this what has become more real to me over the last few weeks is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Over these weeks, I have had the truths of the gospel expounded to me in such powerful ways, but I have also had my heart exposed in profound ways. So often, I get to the end of the day and think "really? that is really what is in my heart?" So many times I have been shocked at what I have seen in my heart, in what I am really like. Which, I guess means I don't really know my heart all that well. It is hard, and I pray humbling, and I am thankful that the Lord doesn't show us all of ourselves at once. I am thankful however that the Lord is doing all of this in me in the context of a place where I am constantly reminded of his gospel and his grace. My sin is not the end of the story. My Savior is! Alleluia!

What a privilege it is to be here. It has taken me a while to see that, but my God's grace I am beginning to. A pastor reminded us on Friday that God's call in our lives is beyond us, bigger than us, and yet somehow involves us. And God's call on my life to bring me here right now is no exception. It is my prayer that this will be real to me, and as one hymn says that "out of unrest and arrogant pride I will come." That I will continued to be humbled and find peace in the reality of his call.

To Him who has called us and To Him who is with us, To Him be the Glory...

Mastering the Art of...

For those of you have read the title and are thinking I about to follow it up with "French Cooking," you are deeply mistaken and clearly don't know me at all. It would be great if I could master the art of any cooking at all- especially, French cooking. (Actually, I'd prefer Tex-Mex but I don't think Julia wrote a book on that!)But alas, I can only cook one dish, one side, chocolate chip cookies, and a wonderful cheese dip with bacon on the top! So no, Julia Childs and the other Julie from NY (for those that have seen the movie) would not be very proud of me. And I am pretty sure I won't be having any food critics down to my basement mini-kitchen anytime soon! But I will tell you what I have recently mastered the art of...

EATING AT HOME!

For those of you who don't know me, you are probably thinking to yourselves "Whoopty-Doo!" For those of you who do know me, you can go ahead and pick your jaws up off the floor. It is true, I, Caroline, have officially mastered the art of eating at home. You would be shocked how many meals I eat here. I have even found that is possible to go an entire day without spending any money on food! Shocker, I know!

**Note: I still have not found it is possible to go a whole day without spending money on diet coke! Oh, well..maybe one day!

For those of you who are wondering how I did it, or any of you who are chronic eat-outers, I would like to share with you some things that I have learned. So here it is...

Ten Tips to Mastering the Art of Eating at Home:

10. Always have a jar of peanut butter ready! I am now sooo organic and go for the all natural one. You have to stir up the oils in there but it is well worth the work!

9. When tired of the boring sandwich, get yo-self some tortillas to make a wrap!

8. Always have a lil something sweet on hand for dessert! (I recommend the Skinny Cows!!)

7. Condiments are a must! Preferably honey mustard, hummus, and guac! (Those are condiments right?)

6. If you cannot cook, the microwave will become your new best friend! I have now named mine Molly Micro- we have great chats each evening around dinner time!

5. Baked lays go with anything!

4. Cereal for dinner is sensational and lower calorie than most dinners! For a fancy cereal treat- go ahead, get crazy, and combine 2 or 3 kinds!

3. It is possible to create a sandwich pretty close to what you like at your fave place! (Now all I need is one of those grills from PD's and I am set!)

2. Unfortunately, frozen dinners never taste as good as the picture on the box tells you it will. But you get over that pretty fast!

1. Eating at home causes you to spend less cash money and consume less calories! Um, yes please!

So there you have it!

Alright, off to heat up my baked ziti in a box...

... and then finish up my list of restaurants I can't wait to eat at on my visit home to Dallas in October!

Ok, so maybe I haven't totally mastered it :)

Bon Appetit!!