Library Fun

Now I know many of you think that the title to this post is an utter oxymoron. I likewise shared your opinion until this Saturday. I had been effectively avoiding spending an entire day in the library this semester, but on Saturday I had no other choice- I had to give in. And so, on what was probably the most beautiful day we have had in a looong time, I packed up my stuff and headed up to the library for a focused day of study and research! You should be proud.

Or maybe not. On this particular afternoon, I managed to find plenty of people to talk to in the library and found the one person studying in the student center who clearly needed me to talk to her long enough for her to become my new favorite person here in STL.

During this "study break" of which the duration shall remain undefined, I left my computer unattended. Clearly someone else in the library was looking for a little fun, someone, I might add whose identity is still completely unknown to me. Because when I returned to my computer a little (ok a lot) later that afternoon, I found this on my desktop...

Nothing like that to give you good laugh. Nothing like that to tell you you just may have been away from your computer for a little too long. And nothing like that to creep you out enough to get you packing your books and getting the heck out of there as fast as you possibly can. I mean, for real, what if that cat was roaming the stacks? Needless to say, I was out the door in less than 10...

How Firm A Foundation

I have been reminded much over the past several months that life in our broken world is full of suffering-suffering that truly takes all shapes and sizes- some is temporary, some will last for a lifetime. Suffering is something we would rarely choose and it typically comes in forms we would never expect. My old boss and pastor, Mark, always used to say that in this life you are always either going into a trial, going through a trial, or coming out of a trial. The longer I live and the more I am in relationships, the more I realize this is true.

In the midst of this the Lord keeps reminding me that the gospel must and does speak to this, that it provides light in our darkness, strength in our weakness, and hope in our despair- a hope that is not a vain wishing, but is rather sure and secure, that does not disappoint because it is wrapped up in the person and promises of Jesus Christ. Our hope is that while none of our trials and suffering seem "slight and momentary" what lies ahead of us as believers is "a weight of glory beyond all comparison." Our hope is for that glorious day where we will be ushered out of our trials and suffering, and the kingdom of God will be fully and finally ushered in! And our comfort as we wait for this day, lies in the glorious reality of the presence and purpose of God in our sufferings.

We sang this hymn today in church that was such a great reminder to me of these truths. It reminded me of the promises, person, and purpose that are present with us in our sufferings. And it hope to cling to and truths to pray for those I know and love who right now truly find themselves in the "rivers of sorrow" and "fiery trials" and who feel without a doubt that theirs is "the soul that all hell doth endeavor to break." May these words encourage your heart as well...

How Firm a Foundation...

How firm a foundation, you saints of the Lord

Is laid for your faith in his excellent Word!

What more can he say than you to you he hath said

To you, who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not I am with you, O be not dismayed,

For I am your God and will still give you aid;

I'll strengthen you, help you, and cause you to stand

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."

"When through the deep waters I call you to go,

the rivers of sorrow shall not you overflow

For I will be with you, your troubles to bless

And sanctify to you your deepest distress."

"When through fiery trials your pathway shall life,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be your supply;

The flame shall not hurt you, I only design

Your dross to consume and your gold to refine."

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,

I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell, should endeavor to break,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake."

Home is Where the Heart Is

Last week at this very hour, I was packing up my suitcase- complete with all my laundry and dry cleaning- to go home for a few days. It was our "fall break" from school and though, I had initially planned on staying here, during a week of loneliness in September, I went ahead and booked my ticket home. I am honestly so glad I did that then because I had no idea how much I would need it now.

I love St. Louis and am truly very happy here right now, but there really is nothing like going home. Nothing like seeing your church from the airplane window as you fly in. Nothing like walking out of baggage claim to see your best friend waiting for you! Nothing like walking into the neighborhood cookie shop and people telling you they have missed you. Nothing like spending countless hours in amazing conversation with your parents. Nothing like driving down streets and feeling like you never left. Nothing like eating all your meals out and never having to look at a menu. Nothing like surprisingly running into friends who you didn't expect to be in town. Nothing like worshipping in your home church. Nothing like hour after hour being spent with nearly everyone you know and love. Nothing like just being with people who know you. Nothing like living your old life all over again for just a few days. There is nothing like being at home.

For all the many of you whom I had the privilege of spending time with this weekend- whether for a few minutes or a few hours- I can't even begin to describe to you who much joy it brought me! It truly filled my cup.

On Friday night, I couldn't contain my joy and just kept telling my parents over and over and over....and over again- "This has seriously been the best day!"

I do wish however that my parents were the only ones I expressed that excitement to that night. Unfortunately, our academic dean at the seminary knows how excited I was too. I received an email that evening from her telling me that I got into a class for which I had been on the wait-list. The following was my reply:

Diane, Thank you SO much! I am so excited about this! This is the exact schedule I was hoping for! Thank you for all your hard work on this! -Caroline

Pretty sure she and the rest of the office are getting a good laugh and wondering how in the world this 8th grader got into Covenant!

Oh well, I guess true joy is really hard to hide! To all my family and friends in the Big D- you bless me beyond belief! Can't wait to see you soon- Thanksgiving is less than a month away!

Latent Anger

You know those times where you have been really angry but now feel like you are over it. Then, all of a sudden, something happens that brings back up all that latent anger and reveals that you are not, in fact, over it at all? Well tonight, for me, has been one of those times.

Many of you may not know because I was not blogging in August of 2008, but I am a HUGE fan of the Olympics! So much of a fan that in 2008, I threw an Olympic party with complete with Olympic themed desserts...

The Olympics bring much joy in me, but they also bring out a part of me that most of the

time I like to keep hidden- my anger! Last Olympics, a bunch of cute little Chinese girls, revealed the anger that lie so deeply in my heart. Why you, ask? Because these cute little Chinese girls, I believe, cheated their way to Olympic Gold. You see, you have to be 16 to compete in the Olympics. And I mean, look at this picture...there is just no way!

Well, I thought I had gotten over it. Until tonight...as I lay here on my parents couch watching the Gymnastics World Championships that my father so graciously tivoed for me. As I am watching this little girl compete, who is clearly only 7, all that latent anger has resurged with a vengeance!

The commentators keep talking about how hard it is for her to get all the way up on the vault or transition between the bars. Obviously... because she is only 5 and not even 4" tall. Maybe when she turns 6 she will have a better shot!

Ok...enough of my ranting! Shout out though to Bridget Sloan who won the World Championship! She at least 18! And though she's no Nastia, she's pretty good!

Way to go USA! Again in the gymnastics world I am proud to be an American!

Sunday Joys...

Sundays have always been my favorite day of the week. Back in Dallas, Sundays brought together most everything and most everyone that I loved. From being a part of Sunday worship, to seeing all "my girls", to singing in our high school Sunday School class, to those blueberry donut holes from Mustang, to lunch with my whole extended family, and to most likely 2 or 3 Bible Studies in the evenings...my Sundays were filled with things and people and events that brought me great, great joy!

So needless to say, I was very fearful that Sundays up here in St. Louis were going to be the most difficult, and the most lonely days for me. For here, I am going to a church where no one really knows me and I am slowly getting to know people, I am going to a church where I don't work and therefore, don't have that identity following me. Sunday lunches are usually a frozen meal or PB&J from my basement mini-kitchen, and I don't have endless Bible Studies to prepare for and lead that evening. Sundays up here were going to be a whole new ball game. And I was not sure I was going to like it!

But by God's sheer and amazing grace, Sundays up here in St. Louis are once again my absolute favorite day of the week- though they are drastically different. For the past several Sundays, as I have driven home from church... my mind has reflected upon how my heart is just overflowing with joy! God is graciously giving me joy in things and experiences I have never (or not in a very long time) known.

Church is a whole new experience. I can't remember a time when I was a part of church where I wasn't the pastors daughter and wasn't on staff. While these are experiences I loved and would never change, there is a certain freedom, for this season of my life, in going to church and just being a part of the congregation. Just one in the crowd who has come to church for no other reason than to worship, to meet with God, and to be restored. In a place where I am not really known yet and don't yet known everyone, I have found church to be the sweetest refuge where I just get to meet with my Savior. This has been a season of getting caught of up in the worship of Christ and the wonder of the gospel that I have never known.

Sunday afternoons also are a whole new experience. A friend encouraged me early on to truly take this day as a day of rest- something I honestly have never done. While really doing this has often been a struggle, God is teaching me so much about how to not only rest but to rest in him. He is teaching me in real and experiential ways that the commandments he gives us, specifically in regards to the Sabbath, are truly for our good and for our joy! As I got to sit in a coffee shop today without any school work, I could not even attest to the joy that came from the freedom of not having anything glaring to do and the ability to engage what I have been learning all week at a heart and devotional level- to truly have the freedom to seek and rest in him.

Anyways, I probably could go on. But just wanted to thank those of you who have prayed for me- especially on Sundays- knowing that they had the potential to be so hard. God has been overwhelmingly gracious, and my joy is overwhelming to. I am, by his grace, getting to experience a little taste of what the Psalmist describes- "in your presence is fullness of joy." Truly makes me long for the day when our experience will not be the taste, but will be the real thing and we will get to experience deeper, fuller joy than we have ever known. Oh how we long for his return.

Come Lord Jesus Come!

Days of Elijah

I love my new church! Yesterday I seriously could have stayed all day long. I was truly sad when the last hymn ended. I had this overwhelming sense of "this is exactly what I was made for." How true it is. We were made for worship- to, as the hymn says, get "lost in wonder, love, and praise." This was my experience yesterday. I am thankful for small taste God graciously gave me of what it will one day be like to be in his presence! Come, Lord Jesus...

Yesterday, we sang a song that I was sure was brand new to the church scene, as I had never heard it before. Singing in the midst of the congregation filled me with so much joy! I asked one of my friends if she had heard it. She laughed and said it had been around for forever. So I went to download it when I got back to school. Indeed it had. The most popular version by none other than Twila Paris! I downloaded it nonetheless and have been singing and dancing to it all day long.

Instead of leaving you with a visual of that, I will leave you with another. The music video that I found on YouTube. It truly dates the song, but enjoy it anyways.

And here it is..my new favorite song...DAYS OF ELIJAH...

My Fears: Calmed and Confirmed

For years I have had two primary fears about moving to the North. And yes, by north, I do mean anything north of the Oklahoma-Texas line. They are as follows:

1. No good Mexican Food

2. Cold Weather

* Not necessarily in that order, not necessarily not in that order. But nevertheless, the order that I will address them in this blog post!

The first is my fear of no Mexican food. Which you clearly know about if you have been following the blog at all- particularly since I left Dallas and arrived in STL- as I think I mention it in virtually every post. So really no need to go into any more detail except to say that this fear has been calmed and pretty much assuaged because last night as some friends and I were on our way to see Phantom at the amazing Fox Theatre we stumbled upon some tex-mex goodness.

Yes, real Texas-style Tex Mex here in the Lou! It's called Chuy! It appealed to Taylor (one of my hs friends here at Covenant with me) and I because the name was so close to Chuy's- which while not the best Tex-Mex in Texas would be pretty much amazing up here! So we ventured inside...first thing to catch my eye a Texas Flag and a sign that said something like "Everything's better in Texas!" Amen!

And from them on it just kept getting better- real queso, and by that I mean the yellow kind, great chips, quesadillas that didn't contain some kind of mystery sauce, and even a menu item called The Austin. It was such a delight and I can't wait to go back. Tonight too soon?

For all you Texas transplants up here in STL, give Chuy a try. You will not be disappointed.

Ok, but as for my other fear. THE COLD. This fear has not, I repeat NOT been calmed in the past few days. Rather it has been confirmed, tragically confirmed. It is going to be so stinking cold up here, and I seriously hate it!

For instance, today is October 2nd. The time in Dallas when I am wanting wear my fall clothes, but can't because the moment you put on a sweater you literally start to sweat, which though in the name, I don't believe is the point of the sweater. Well, up here in STL it seems like they skipped sweater weather all together. When I got in the car this morning my thermostat said 54!

54 degrees?!?! In October? Are you kidding me? And may I just say that 54 degrees up here is not the same 54 down south. It is FREEZING! I had to come home this afternoon and put on my sweatshirt and curl up in a blanket and am contemplating never leaving the house again till it gets warmer. When is that anyways?

Don't answer that!

I have mentioned to several people today that I am freezing and that I hate this weather. To which they replied, "Oh, Caroline, you are going to die."

Yes, I am sure I might. I don't know how to handle it now. What will it be like when it is 9 degrees! I have no concept for that...

Oh, and when it snows- which I have no idea how to drive in by the way. And seeing as I am not that great a driver to begin with...

Anyways, I am sorry for complaining. I realize the blog really shouldn't be for that. Please forgive me.

Thanks for reading. If you do not hear from me between now and April, it is because I have frozen up here, hands and all, leaving me completely unable to type...

Happy Friday. Especially if it is warm where you are. I am off to find some birds. Maybe they will let me migrate south with them...